


Is This A Joke?

by kurtsolos



Series: Is This A Joke? [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Oblivious Blaine, Sarcasm, Sarcastic Kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurtsolos/pseuds/kurtsolos
Summary: Kurt is witty and sarcastic and flirting with Blaine, but Blaine is too oblivious to understand any of it.





	Is This A Joke?

**Author's Note:**

> (For the sake of this fic let’s just pretend that the Spotlight Diner is in Ohio and not New York)

   “He’s here. Again. This is like, the sixth time this week alone,” Rachel announces to her co-workers, careful to keep her voice down. Santana rolls her eyes and grunts. Kurt just smirks and shakes his head.

   “Put him in my section again. I’ve got it,” Kurt volunteers.

   “As usual.” Santana mocks, earning a playful shove from Kurt.

   Kurt was enamored by the cute, dark-haired boy from the moment he laid eyes on him. The boy ate at the Spotlight Diner like it was his job, but Kurt refused to let anyone else serve as his waiter. Despite him being a regular customer, Kurt didn’t know much about the boy at all. He didn’t even know his name. Kurt did, however, learn two things: the boy never came alone – he was always with some girl, which sparked ridiculous feelings of jealousy that Kurt was forced to suppress – and he was dense to sarcasm.

   Kurt was criticized all his life for his twisted sense of humor, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t his fault others were too dimwitted to appreciate his jokes. However, Kurt took an unhealthy amount of joy in messing with his favorite customer. The boy never reacted crudely to any of Kurt’s comments, he just didn’t get it, and Kurt found it absolutely adorable.

   The boy is anxiously flipping through his menu when Kurt appears at his side, the corners of his mouth lifting into a smirk. “I’m Kurt and I’ll be your server today, but you already knew that. Can I start you two off with something to drink?”

   “I’ll um, I’ll have a water.” The boy replies shyly.

   “I’ll also have a water,” mutters the girl.

   “I’ll try my best not to mix up your drinks,” Kurt assures them, his eyes flickering between the two before settling on the cute boy.

   “Oh, don’t worry about mixing them up. We ordered the same thing,” the boy replies, and Kurt can’t help but laugh because _was this guy serious?_ The boy’s cheeks begin to flush at the laughter.

   “Blaine, that was a joke,” the girl tells him, reaching across the table to pat his hand.

 _Blaine_. Now Kurt can finally attach a name to his cute, oblivious face.

   The boy – Blaine – gives Kurt a shy smile before timidly looking down at his menu. Kurt feels obligated to mess with Blaine even more, especially now that a flushed face and a sheepish smile somehow makes him more adorable than before.

   “I like how you continue to look through your menu even though you order the exact same thing every time,” Kurt teases him, looking over the boy’s shoulder before meeting his gaze. “It’s cute.”

   Blaine blushes even more at the comment, his friend failing miserably at hiding her smile behind her hand.

   “I’m sorry, I…I just like to look through the menu because you always give it to me and I don’t want to seem rude…” Blaine stammers, his face noticeably red.

   “We’ll both have our usual, please.” The boy’s friend answers most likely to save him from further embarrassment. Kurt nods with a smug smile on his face, taking the menus before heading back to the kitchen. Rachel and Santana are gossiping by the counter when Kurt comes back, their conversation cut short when they notice the amused look on their friend’s face. Kurt finds himself chuckling again.

   “Just when I thought he couldn’t get more adorable, he proved me wrong.” Kurt tells them, grabbing two glasses and filling them with water. Rachel hollers the usual order to the diner’s cook, Sam, before grabbing two straws from the dispenser.

   “Are you sure you’re not being too mean to him, Kurt?” Rachel prods, handing the straws to her friend. “As your best friend, I’m used to your sarcasm and therefore I can handle it. He doesn’t seem like he appreciates it very much.”

   “Oh, relax,” Kurt rolls his eyes. “It’s completely innocent, I promise. Just let me have my fun.”

   “Sometimes you can be a huge dick without realizing it,” Santana tells Kurt.

   “That’s the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?” Kurt scoffs, Santana giving him a slight punch in the arm. “You think I’m too sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

   “You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Rachel shakes her dead disapprovingly.

   “I’m sorry, but when people say stupid things, even when they are insanely adorable, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark,” Kurt defends, grabbing the two glasses and making his way back to Blaine’s table.

   Blaine mutteres a “thank you” when Kurt places their drinks on the table. Blaine smiles when Kurt informs them that their food would be ready shortly, and Kurt decides he isn’t ready to head back to the kitchen yet. He is extremely interested in getting to know Blaine, and because these two just so happen to be the last customers of the night, Kurt is free to converse.

   “So, tell me about yourselves. I think it’s kind of sad that you two are here literally all the time and I know nothing about you,” Kurt urges, pulling up a chair so he can sit. The two exchange a glance they thought Kurt didn’t see.

   “I’m Tina, and this is my friend Blaine,” the girl speaks up, Kurt feeling a sudden wave of relief when she referred to him as a friend. “We’re seniors at McKinley High and we’re part of the glee club.”

   “Ah, I actually went to McKinley, too. I graduated three years ago,” Kurt says, surprised upon learning about their slight age difference. “I was in the glee club, too, but I’d already been out of school before you guys would have joined.”

   Blaine smiles down at the table, stirring the straw around in his water before removing it from the drink and sucking on the end of it. Kurt figures it was some sort of distraction to relieve him from awkward conversation. When Blaine notices Kurt’s eyes on him, he nervously swirls the end of the straw around in his mouth to keep from talking.

   “Stop trying to seduce me, I know what you’re up to.” Kurt teases, far too amused when Blaine’s cheeks turn a dark shade of red as he takes the straw out of his mouth and places it back into his drink. Kurt is honestly surprised that Blaine understood the sexual innuendo.

   “No, no, that’s not what I was doing at all. I’m definitely not trying to seduce you,” Blaine rambles, his eyes widening as Kurt’s smirk grows. “I mean, not that I wouldn’t seduce you. You’re really hot… _wait_! Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I…I should stop talking.”

   Kurt and Tina both sit there with their mouths gaping open, unsure how one person could put their foot in their mouth as much as Blaine had. Blaine finally goes silent, burying his face in his hands and laying his head on the table.

   “You think I’m hot, huh?” Kurt pushes, even though he knows he probably shouldn’t have. Hadn’t the poor boy suffered enough? Blaine slowly lifts his head from the table and hesitates slightly before meeting Kurt’s eyes. “You can relax, you know. I think you’re hot, too. And adorable.”

   Blaine tries to bite back his smile. He fails. “Wait, you really think I’m cute? Or is this a joke?”

   Kurt can’t help but laugh again, reaching out to fix the collar of Blaine’s shirt. Blaine shivers under Kurt’s touch, Tina’s eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. “Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?”

   Kurt stands up from his chair to go back to the kitchen, sending a wink in Blaine’s direction before disappearing from sight. After Blaine and Tina had finally gotten their food, finished eating, and paid their bill, they wave goodbye to the workers before heading out the door. When Kurt goes to gather the dishes from Blaine and Tina’s table a few minutes later, he can’t hold back his smile when he notices Blaine had written his phone number on one of the napkins. Kurt tucks the napkin in his pocket for later, deciding he would text Blaine as soon as his shift ended.

   Kurt may or may not have boasted endlessly to Rachel and Santana about getting Blaine’s number, pointing out that Blaine appreciated his sarcasm, even if he didn’t always understand it.


End file.
